Here is a collection of Goon Show scripts, transcribed from the radio episodes,
or try this Goon Show Script Search page, with links to audio, scripts, and playable clips of quotes found.
- Series 1
- All episodes missing
- Series 2
- Three episodes exist
- s02e01 - 52-01-22 - Untitled
- s02e03 - 52-02-05 - Untitled
- s02e25 - 52-07-15 - Untitled - End missing
- Series 3
- Three episodes exist
- s03e16 - 53-02-24 - The Search for the Bearded Vulture - Large chunk missing in middle
- s03e17 - 53-03-03 - The Mystery of the Monkey's Paw
- s03e24 - 53-04-28 - The Ascent of Mount Everest
- Series 4
- Thirteen episodes out of thirty survive
- s04e01 - 53-10-02 - The Dreaded Piano Clubber
- This is in fact the same recording as the "Vintage Goons" episode, sVGe12, and so is probably not the correct episode here.
- s04e02 - 53-10-09 - The Man Who Tried To Destroy London's Monuments - Geldray missing
- s04e03 - 53-10-16 - The Ghastly Experiments Of Dr Hans Eidelburger - Changes to another episode half way through
- s04e13 - 53-12-26 - The Giant Bombardon - Fragment only
- s04e15 - 54-01-08 - The Missing Prime Minister
- s04e18 - 54-01-29 - The History Of Communications
- s04e20 - 54-02-12 - The Toothpaste Expedition - Geldray and Ellington musical interludes have been removed
- s04e23 - 54-03-01 - The Greatest Mountain In The World
- s04e24 - 54-03-08 - The Collapse Of The British Railway Sandwich System
- s04e25 - 54-03-15 - The Silent Bugler
- s04e26 - 54-03-22 - Western Story (Drain!)
- s04e27 - 54-03-29 - The Saga of the Internal Mountain
- s04e29 - 54-04-12 - The Great Bank Of England Robbery
- Series 5
- s05e01 - 54-09-28 - The Whistling Spy Enigma
- s05e02 - 54-10-05 - The Lost Goldmine (Of Charlotte)
- s05e03 - 54-10-12 - The Dreaded Batter Pudding Hurler Of Bexhill-On-Sea
- s05e04 - 54-10-19 - The Phantom Head Shaver (of Brighton)
- s05e05 - 54-10-26 - The Affair Of The Lone Banana
- s05e06 - 54-11-02 - The Canal
- s05e07 - 54-11-09 - Lurgi Strikes Britain
- s05e08 - 54-11-16 - The Mystery Of The Marie Celeste (Solved)
- s05e09 - 54-11-23 - The Last Tram (From Clapham)
- s05e10 - 54-11-30 - The Booted Gorilla
- s05e11 - 54-12-07 - The Spanish Suitcase
- s05e12 - 54-12-14 - Dishonoured (or The Fall of Neddie Seagoon)
- s05e13 - 54-12-21 - Forog
- s05e14 - 54-12-28 - Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest - Superb quality, thanks to David Harrison
- s05e15 - 55-01-04 - 1985
- s05e16 - 55-01-11 - The Case Of The Missing Heir
- s05e17 - 55-01-18 - China Story
- s05e18 - 55-01-25 - Under Two Floorboards
- s05e19 - 55-02-01 - The Missing Scroll Or The Lost Music Of Purdam
- s05e20 - 55-02-08 - 1985 (Remake)
- s05e21 - 55-02-15 - The Sinking Of Westminster Pier
- The announcer makes much of the fact that the Radio Times says that this episode should be The Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street, which indeed is the case. Radio Times for 1955-02-15
- s05e22 - 55-02-22 - The Fireball Of Milton Street
- s05e23 - 55-03-01 - The Six Ingots Of Leadenhall Street
- s05e24 - 55-03-08 - The Yehti
- s05e25 - 55-03-15 - The White Box Of Great Bardfield
- Some words used in this episode are "of their time" and are considered highly offensive nowadays.
- s05e26 - 55-03-22 - The End (aka Confessions of a Secret Senna Pod Drinker)
- Series 6
- s06e01 - 55-09-20 - Seagoon MCC (The Man Who Won The War)
- s06e02 - 55-09-27 - The Secret Escritoire
- s06e03 - 55-10-04 - The Lost Emperor
- s06e04 - 55-10-11 - Napoleon's Piano
- s06e05 - 55-10-18 - The Case Of The Missing Cd Plates
- s06e06 - 55-10-25 - Rommel's Treasure
- s06e07 - 55-11-01 - Foiled By President Fred
- s06e08 - 55-11-08 - Shangri-La Again
- s06e09 - 55-11-15 - The International Christmas Pudding
- s06e10 - 55-11-22 - The Pevensey Bay Disaster
- s06e11 - 55-11-29 - The Sale of Manhattan (aka The Lost Colony)
- s06e12 - 55-12-06 - The Terrible Revenge Of Fred Fu - Manchu
- s06e13 - 55-12-13 - The Lost Year
- s06e14 - 55-12-20 - The Greenslade Story
- s06e15 - 55-12-27 - The Hastings Flyer - Robbed
- s06e16 - 56-01-03 - The Mighty Wurlitzer
- s06e17 - 56-01-10 - The Raid of the International Christmas Pudding
- s06e18 - 56-01-17 - Tales Of Montmartre
- s06e19 - 56-01-24 - The Jet-Propelled Guided Naafi
- s06e20 - 56-01-31 - The House Of Teeth
- s06e21 - 56-02-07 - Tales Of Old Dartmoor
- s06e22 - 56-02-14 - The Choking Horror
- s06e23 - 56-02-21 - The Great Tuscan Salami Scandal
- s06e24 - 56-02-28 - The Treasure in the Lake (aka The Treasure of Loch Lomond)
- s06e25 - 56-03-06 - The Fear of Wages
- s06e26 - 56-03-13 - Scradje
- s06e27 - 56-03-20 - The Man Who Never Was
- Series 7
- s07e01 - 56-10-04 - The Nasty Affair At The Burami Oasis
- s07e02 - 56-10-11 - Drums Along The Mersey
- s07e03 - 56-10-18 - The Great Nadger Plague
- s07e04 - 56-10-25 - The MacReekie Rising of '74
- Milligan was absent for this episode, so all his characters were played by Sellers and Secombe
- s07e05 - 56-11-01 - The Spectre Of Tintagel
- s07e06 - 57-02-14 - The Sleeping Prince
- s07e07 - 56-11-15 - The Great Bank Robbery
- s07e08 - 56-11-22 - Personal Narrative of Captain Seagoon RN
- s07e09 - 56-11-29 - The Mystery Of The Fake Neddie Seagoons
- s07e10 - 56-12-05 - What's My Line
- s07e11 - 56-12-13 - The Telephone
- s07e12 - 56-12-20 - The Flea
- s07e13 - 56-12-26 - Six Charlies in Search of an Author - Start missing
- s07e14 - 57-01-03 - Emperor of the Universe
- s07e15 - 57-01-10 - Wings Over Dagenham
- s07e16 - 57-01-17 - The Rent Collectors
- s07e17 - 57-01-24 - Shifting Sands
- s07e18 - 57-01-31 - The Moon Show
- s07e19 - 57-02-07 - The Mysterious Punch up the Conker
- This is the episode that contains the famous "What time is it, Eccles?" sketch, at 24:15
- s07e20 - 57-02-21 - Round The World In 80 Days
- s07e21 - 57-02-28 - Insurance, the White Man's Burden
- s07e22 - 57-03-07 - The Africa Ship Canal
- s07e23 - 57-03-14 - Ill Met By Goonlight
- s07e24 - 57-03-21 - The Missing Boa Constrictor
- s07e25 - 57-03-28 - The Histories of Pliny the Elder
- s07esp1 - 56-12-02 - Robin Hood (and his Merry Men)
- s07esp2 - 57-12-24 - Operation Christmas Duff
- s07esp3 - 57-08-22 - The Reason Why
- "Vintage Goons" Series
- sVGe01 - 57-10-06 - The Mummified Priest
- sVGe02 - 57-10-20 - The Greatest Mountain In The World
- sVGe03 - 57-11-03 - The Missing Ten Downing Street
- sVGe04 - 57-11-17 - The Giant Bombardon
- sVGe05 - 57-12-01 - The Kippered Herring Gang
- sVGe06 - 57-12-15 - The Vanishing Room
- sVGe07 - 57-12-29 - The Ink Shortage
- sVGe08 - 58-01-12 - The Mustard And Cress Shortage
- sVGe09 - 58-02-16 - The Internal Mountain
- sVGe10 - 58-02-23 - The Silent Bugler
- sVGe11 - 58-03-02 - The Great Bank Of England Robbery - Poor quality. Is this in fact s04e29?
- sVGe12 - 58-03-09 - The Dreaded Piano Clubber
- sVGe13 - 58-03-16 - The Siege of Fort Night
- sVGe14 - 58-03-23 - The Albert Memorial
- Series 8
- s08e01 - 57-09-30 - Spon
- Dick Emery replaced Harry Secombe for this episode.
- s08e02 - 57-10-07 - The Junk Affair
- s08e03 - 57-10-14 - The Burning Embassy
- s08e04 - 57-10-21 - The Great Regent's Park Swim
- s08e05 - 57-10-28 - The Treasure in the Tower
- s08e06 - 57-11-04 - The Space Age
- s08e07 - 57-11-11 - The Red Fort (a Tale of India) - Geldray & Ellington musical interludes have been removed
- s08e08 - 57-11-18 - The Missing Battleship
- s08e09 - 57-11-25 - The Policy
- s08e10 - 57-12-02 - King Solomon's Mines
- s08e11 - 57-12-09 - The Stolen Postman
- s08e12 - 57-12-16 - The Great British Revolution
- s08e13 - 57-12-23 - The Plasticine Man
- s08e14 - 57-12-30 - African Incident
- s08e15 - 58-01-06 - The Thing on the Mountain
- s08e16 - 58-01-13 - The String Robberies
- s08e17 - 58-01-20 - The Moriarty Murder Mystery
- s08e18 - 58-01-27 - The Curse Of Frankenstein
- s08e19 - 58-02-03 - The White Neddie Trade
- s08e20 - 58-02-10 - Ten Snowballs That Shook The World
- This episode contains the famous "gargling dictation" sequence, from 8:27 to 9:30.
- s08e21 - 58-02-17 - The Man Who Never Was - Remake
- s08e22 - 58-02-24 - World War One
- s08e23 - 58-03-03 - The Spon Plague
- s08e24 - 58-03-10 - Tiddlywinks
- This episode is based on a real event when, in 1958, students at the University of Cambridge Tiddlywinks Club challenged HRH Prince Philip to a match. The Duke appointed the Goons as his Royal Champions, but they lost.
- s08e25 - 58-03-17 - The Evils Of Bushey Spon
- s08e26 - 58-03-24 - The Great Statue Debate
- Series 9
- s09e01 - 58-11-03 - The Sahara Desert Statue
- A lot of material has been edited out of this episode.
- s09e02 - 58-11-01 - I Was Monty's Treble
- s09e03 - 58-11-17 - The £1,000,000 Penny
- The audio of this episode has had large chunks edited out, and so is rather different from the script.
- s09e04 - 58-11-24 - The Pam's Paper Insurance Policy
- s09e05 - 58-12-01 - The Mountain Eaters
- s09e06 - 58-12-08 - The Childe Harolde Rewarde
- s09e07 - 58-12-15 - The Seagoon Memoirs
- s09e08 - 58-12-22 - Queen Anne's Rain
- s09e09 - 58-12-29 - The Battle Of Spion Kop
- s09e10 - 59-01-05 - Ned's Atomic Dustbin
- s09e11 - 59-01-12 - Who is Pink Oboe
- Peter Sellers was indisposed, and was replaced by Valentine Dyall as Grytpype-Thynne, Kenneth Connor as Willium and others, Graham Stark as Henry Crun, and Jack Train as Colonel Chinstrap from ITMA
- s09e12 - 59-01-20 - The Call of the West
- s09e13 - 59-01-26 - Dishonoured - Again (I Knew Terence Nuke)
- s09e14 - 59-02-02 - The Scarlet Capsule (Quatarmass OBE) - Geldray & Ellington musical interludes have been removed
- s09e15 - 59-02-09 - The Tay Bridge
- s09e16 - 59-02-16 - The Gold Plate Robbery
- s09e17 - 59-02-23 - The £50 Cure
- Kenneth Connor replaced Harry Secombe in this episode
- Series 10
- s10e01 - 59-12-24 - A Christmas Carol
- s10e02 - 59-12-31 - The Tale of Mens Shirts
- s10e03 - 60-01-07 - The Chinese Legs - Start missing - Does anyone have a better copy than this?
- s10e04 - 60-01-14 - Robins Post
- s10e05 - 60-01-21 - The Silver Doubloons
- s10e06 - 60-01-28 - The Last Smoking Seagoon
- Extras
- s04eSP1 - The Starlings
- Introduction to The Starlings by Spike Milligan
- s06eSP1 - The Goons Hit Wales
- The Last Goon Show of All (1972)
- Welsh Greats - s02e02 - Harry Secombe - TV programme - New! - [14 April 2024]
- Peter Sellers - A State of Comic Ecstasy - TV programme - New! - [14 April 2024]
- A Goon Show warm up - New! - [14 April 2024]
- An excerpt from s01e09 rehearsal and broadcast, from a film called London Entertains - New! - [14 April 2024]
- A Sound of Goons - presented by Frank Muir - New! - [24 April 2024]
- Michael Parkinson interviews The Goons - 1972 - New! - [24 April 2024]
- The Life of Angela Morley - Musical Variations - New! - [24 April 2024]
- Fred the Oyster - the complete sound effect. - New! - [24 April 2024]
- YouTube Links
- The Tale of Men's Shirts - Link to a televised episode on YouTube
- The Whistling Spy Enigma - Link to a filmed episode on YouTube
- Secombe and Friends - Link to a restored video on YouTube
- The Last Goon Show of All - Link to the televised performance on YouTube
- "Goons Night"
- Goons Night pt1 - Introduction
- Goons Night pt2 - Spike`s Pick of the Goons
- Goons Night pt3 - Comedian`s Goons
- Goons Night pt4 - At Last The Go On Show
- Goons Night pt5 - Just Before Goonrise
- Goons Night pt6 - Goon Again - The 50th Anniversary
- Songs by the Goons
- The Ying Tong Song
- Major Dennis Bloodnok Rock'nRoll Call Blues
- The Bluebottle Blues
- I'm Walking Backwards for Christmas
- I Love You
- Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh!
- Unchained Melodies
- The Raspberry Song
- Dance With Me Henry
- Rhymes
- Whistle Your Cares Away
- A Russian Love Song
- My September Love
- You Gotta Go Oww!